The Ballad of Sherlock Holmes


The nice thing about writing a blog that doesn’t get a lot of traffic is that the blogger can put up all sorts of nonsense without fear of reprisals.

With that mindset, and a bow to Conan Doyle, I herewith offer:

The Ballad of Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes was canny
And his observations many
And he had a nose for sniffing out the facts.

Not until some nasty villain
Had surrendered, meek and willing,
Could our great detective sit down and relax.

But the villains, they were many
And poor Sherlock wasn’t plenty
Even if we counted Watson – which we won’t.

And it seemed that every morning
Brought a different case a-borning
Till The Great Detective screamed and shouted “Don’t!”

Doctor Watson was a-staring
As poor Sherlock started swearing
And he wrote down in his notebook ‘Mania!’

Sherlock saw him and he snorted,
“My career will be aborted!
Friend, I need some rest or I’ll go ‘Zani-a!'”

Watson beamed with inspiration
And he said, with hesitation,
“Holmes, you ought to go and visit Baskerville! –

Why, the prospect isn’t daunting,
And he has some lovely hunting!”
“Capital, dear Watson – yes, I think I will!”

But Lord Baskerville had trouble
And the trouble seemed to double
In the eerie shape of one gigantic hound.

And poor Holmes – he started crying
As he saw his ‘rest trip’ dying,
And he wished he hadn’t thought to come around.

There’s a moral to this story:
If you do not want to worry
You can take as good solution this alone:

If customers with their hist’ries
Want to tell you all their myst’ries –
You can tell them that you simply are not Holmes!